They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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