I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
