the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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