Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
