new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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