just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
