you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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