And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
