babies were throwing up all over the place
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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