We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
