How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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