physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
