We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
