I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
