Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
