Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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