We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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