I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
