I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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