I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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