He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
