the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
