your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize