I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You are the jesus of drinking
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
