we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
