Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
