Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
