she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
