Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
