I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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