he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
