but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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