I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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