we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
