were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
