what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
