perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
