He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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