I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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