her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
