She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
