I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
