WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
