yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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