I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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