Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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