i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
