The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
