i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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