well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
