Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
3 2 1 whiskey
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
