why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
