I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
