hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Michael Bay diarrhea
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
