no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
