I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
