Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
