I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
