He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
