He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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