My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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