I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
