somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
