I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
