Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The Olympian is in my bed
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
