I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I think my moral compass just broke
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
