You can't motorboat a personality
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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