i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
