I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
