drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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