Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
