I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Who died my cat blue again?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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