last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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