Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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