You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
