we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
