he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
