what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
