Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize