and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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