New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
